LAMEntations

Soup #3

2010-09-05T13:00:00.001+08:00

Customer: Waiter, there is a red cape floating in my soup.
Waiter: Oh no, soup-erman drowned!

Soup #2

2010-09-04T10:59:00.001+08:00

Customer: Waiter, there are ghosts in my soup!
Waiter: What? You're just soup-erstitious.

Soup #1

2010-09-03T10:59:00.000+08:00

Customer: Waiter, there is a present in my soup.
Waiter: SOUP-RISE!

I saw...

2010-08-17T17:21:00.003+08:00

A newspaper connected to an ammeter!

What a SHOCKING NEWS!!

What do you say when you see this?

2010-08-17T17:20:00.002+08:00

AWW........

Such A CUTE angle!! =D

Where is the MOST EXPLOSIVE BAY IN THE WORLD?

2010-07-27T14:41:00.004+08:00

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BOMBay!!

It's raining!

2010-07-13T17:49:00.002+08:00

Chemistry can be lame too

2010-05-10T17:24:00.000+08:00

Note: A little knowledge of Chemistry is needed to understand these jokes.

#1 What happened to hydrochloric acid, HCl when he bumped into sodium hydroxide, NaOH?
Ans: He got assalted (assaulted).

#2 What do you call it when two isotopes of carbon, C-12 and C-14 have dinner together over a candlelight?
Ans: CARBON DATING.

No building is perfect...

2010-04-12T15:57:00.000+08:00

They all have at least one floor (flaw)...

So when your dad takes leaves to stay at home..

2010-04-06T22:03:00.002+08:00

Tell him it's not good to harm trees.....

Where do pedestrians come from?

2010-04-06T22:02:00.001+08:00

The Republic of Pedestria.

When do you use present tense?

2010-04-06T22:01:00.001+08:00

CHRISTMAS!

yes.. read again... =)

What do you say when your mom is upside down?

2010-03-20T18:44:00.002+08:00

WOW*...

*Note: The word 'mom' upside down spells 'wow'.

At the Edufair

2010-03-18T21:50:00.000+08:00

iBags?

2010-03-18T21:49:00.000+08:00

"Check out my EYE BAGS!"

What do you call a male eagle that is facing midlife crisis?

2010-03-18T21:48:00.000+08:00

BALD eagle...

better get some Yun Nam on it.

What do cavemen love doing at night?

2010-03-04T21:41:00.000+08:00

They love to go CLUBBING.

Why is drinking Ribena deadly?

2010-02-26T23:50:00.001+08:00

Because it has a lot of currant (current).

What kind of microorganism is homosexual?

2010-02-22T19:29:00.000+08:00

Algae(gay)!

It's illegal for you to go to the toilet..

2010-02-22T19:28:00.002+08:00

No.. really....
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Coz you'd need a PEE License for that!

Why do most people hate plants?

2010-02-18T11:04:00.002+08:00

Because they are really root (rude)...

Plumbers (said with a silent B!)

2010-02-06T15:00:00.001+08:00

Do not underestimate plumbers. They do more than just fixing broken pipes, sinks, etc. etc. etc. Did you know they are in the performing arts too? They specialize in TAP DANCING.

"What a heart-WRENCHING performance..." =P

Bob the Builder, can we fix it?

2010-02-05T15:00:00.000+08:00

Bob the Builder, no you can't. You're a builder, not a fixer. Sorry Bob.

What do you call the action of wearing trousers?

2010-02-04T15:00:00.000+08:00

PANTING.

What do say to a bucket with anaemia?

2010-02-03T15:00:00.000+08:00

You look PAIL (PALE).

If a janitor was exposed to radiation...

2010-02-02T15:00:00.000+08:00

If a janitor was exposed to radiation, mutated some super powers and became a super hero, what would his catch phrase be?

"IT'S TIME TO CLEAN UP YOUR ACT!"

Before you jump into any conclusions...

2010-02-01T20:47:00.002+08:00

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Do your warm up first..

Students that anyone would dread teaching. (EVER!)

2010-02-01T09:00:00.005+08:00

Professor: Genes are passed down from parent to offspring as a unit of inheritance...

Student: But sir, I won't be able to fit into my mother's jeans!

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Professor: There are millions of genes in a single person...

Student: But sir, Gene Hackman only has one gene!

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Professor: We have to love and appreciate genes for their uniqueness and...

MICHAEL: BILLIE GENE IS NOT MY LOVER...
(In memory of the great Michael Jackson)

Because Roger Federer won the Australian Open 2010...

2010-01-31T20:04:00.000+08:00

We have FEDERER TERRITORY DAY tomorrow! =D

(Applies to KL humans only =P)

Why was the traffic jam never ending?

2010-01-31T18:01:00.002+08:00

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Coz the traffic BREAD was missing...

Why can't butter keep secrets?

2010-01-31T17:57:00.004+08:00

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Coz it'll spread it around...

Of fishes and seafood

2010-01-31T17:56:00.002+08:00

What do you say when a fish swims by?
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Something FISHY's going on....
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How does the MC of a seafood dinner start the dinner off by saying?
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Let the FISH begin!

Waiter, why is my coffee burning with hydrogen?

2010-01-31T17:53:00.002+08:00

Because you are drinking STARBUCKS.

What an EXPLOSION of flavours! =P

Waiter, there are stones in my coffee!

2010-01-31T14:15:00.001+08:00

Of course, you're at HARD ROCK CAFE =P

Which type of fruit comes in twos?

2010-01-31T13:30:00.000+08:00

PEARS.

Ol' Nehemiah

2010-01-30T20:07:00.000+08:00

One song that Nehemiah will never sing in church is "Tear Down The Walls"...

"What?! After I've just rebuilt it?! No way!"

Why are pen and pencils so lazy?

2010-01-30T15:15:00.000+08:00

Because they are always STATIONERY.

What do staplers eat for lunch?

2010-01-30T12:46:00.000+08:00

STAPLE food, of course.

If a pen and a pencil fought, who would've won?

2010-01-30T00:39:00.002+08:00

Neither, it's a DRAW.

Life is SHORT

2010-01-29T16:43:00.002+08:00

When you see the world at 180cm of height...

Sheesh! Tall people...

Of vROOMS and rooms

2010-01-29T13:45:00.000+08:00

The worst job on earth is to change car tyres. You have to deal with so much PRESSURE and it's really TYRE-ING (TIRING).

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What room is alive?

Mushroom? Think again!

It's the LIVING ROOM!

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Why are automobiles so passionate about community work and cleaning?

Because they always go "BROOM BROOM!".

He shook his head in dismay...

2010-01-28T21:15:00.001+08:00

But dude! It's only January!

What do you get when lame people from all over the world unite?

2010-01-28T21:10:00.000+08:00

Persatuan Orang Kurang Berupaya!

Don't forget to "Menghormati Hak Golongan Kurang Berupaya"! ;)

Occupation, anyone?

2010-01-28T21:04:00.001+08:00

What do you call Job's wife when her husband dies?
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Jobless...

What do you call bacteria that Job just sneezed out?
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Out of Job...

=P

You know a cow would fail jumping over the moon when..

2010-01-28T19:11:00.006+08:00

...It looses it's voice.
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Coz it won'tt be able to MOOOOO to the MOOOOOOON.

PastaMasta

2010-01-28T15:41:00.003+08:00

Life is cruel, as we all know. Money is so hard to come by, and this is especially true for Joe. You see, Joe was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth. In fact, his family was so poor he had to live in a cardboard box when he was 5. He has a younger brother and sister and his mom works day and night just to support them. His father? Well, he left them when Joe was born. This is Joe's life.

Once Joe completed high school, he started working to help support his family. So one day, he walked past an Italian restaurant. "HELP WANTED," it says on the window. Without much thought about it, he quickly entered the restaurant and asked for the manager. They needed a dishwasher. "Not a bad way to start," Joe thought to himself. The pay was reasonable too. So the manager took him into the kitchen.

"At PastaMasta (the name of the restaurant), we have a very special way to wash the dishes. It's sort of like magic," the manager told Joe.

"How do I do it?"

The manager took out a bowl, decorated with jewels and crystals of an assortment of colours. It really looked like a magical bowl, but the jewels and crystals were only made of plastic. He then filled it with tap water, right to the brim.

"First, stare at the water in the bowl. Do not look at anything else. Stare hard for at least a minute."

Joe did exactly as the manager said.

"After that, take the water and sprinkle it on the dirty dishes. Try it."

Joe obeyed the command, and presto, the filthy dishes became white as snow. Joe was amazed and shocked.

"What's the secret behind it?!" asked Joe, astounded and yet, puzzled.

"It's simple. When you stared at the water for a full minute, it turned into CONCENTRATED dish washing liquid."

- Ian Lai

You Rock!

2010-01-28T15:38:00.000+08:00

Rocking people sit on rocking chairs!

First post

2010-01-28T01:15:00.001+08:00

Woohoo! First post! This is fun! hahaha!

Jo Fan + Ian ... combined BLOG! We wonder what would happen to your legs.. =P